Temperance and Loss

I did a reading yesterday, most disturbing. I knew R., the young woman, had some issues, but certainly, had no idea how daunting these issues were. I struggled to maintain my decorum, but some readings can manifest as almost-physical blows.

Temperance, reversed, crossed with Loss, were her significators. Representing her, a reversed Death. She then told me about her struggles with heroin addiction. In her Past, The World, showing me that she had come from a background and childhood of affluence, love and constant approval, which she acknowledged.

Where does addiction come from? Not just chemicals; she had gained 23 pounds in 2 months, she said. She had never met a substance she didn't like, she laughed nervously.

At such times, I am grateful not to be in my 20s. It is so difficult for sensitive, artistic, thinking young women now.

There was one good card, in her Family and Friends position.... Strength. I told her, these folks are always there for her, strong and capable, ready to accept her, love her, help her. She said she already knew that, but it was still hard to admit defeat. It was also very hard to see when she needed help, and usually didn't think help was necessary until it was too late.

And of course, the state of intoxication, getting high, is always there for her too.

I wish her every ounce of luck I have. I pray her friends and family, the source of her strength, will watch over and guide her.

The Botoxing of America's Older Women

Watching Laura Linney in BREACH the other night, I wondered how someone could become so suspicious and agitated, while never actually frowning or even appearing particularly pensive. Then it occurred to me: this is yet another example of the rampant mass-botoxing of America's older women. The utter lack of facial expression due to botox injections. This is not the freaked-out Laura Linney of MOTHMAN PROPHECIES or the angry-lawyer Laura Linney of PRIMAL FEAR. This is neutralized Laura Linney, middle-aged botox recipient.

Another middle-aged woman, rendered placid and blank. She can join the army of older women lawyer-commentators on COURT TV, as well as Holly Hunter, looking all wide-eyed and unemotional in the advertisements for her new TV show.

This chemically-induced placid expression on the faces of middle-aged women is now all over TV and movies. Older women can no longer frown in skepticism, suspicion, disapproval, or even in deep thought. And it is at precisely this stage of our lives that we are finally unafraid of registering these emotions, and feel we have earned the right to analyze and to draw our own conclusions. But those wrinkles, those frown lines, those lines that signal THINKING, are being paralyzed with botulism toxin, an actual poison.

Women's intellectual process and deep thinking, as well as any contrary emotions are simply unacceptable, particularly from older women who have been around long enough to know the score. Any sign of this must be exterminated, at least in our common culture.

At present, I am watching the Phil Spector murder trial on COURT TV, as Linda Kenney Baden, botoxed Hollywood defense lawyer, cross-examines middle-aged, un-botoxed civil servant Dr. Lynne Herold, criminalist. Baden looks unruffled and cool, her unlined and blank face like a department-store mannequin's, while Herold unavoidably looks aggravated (in comparison), as she furrows her menopausal brow, trying to think, remember and correctly answer a barrage of scientific questions. Will the jury think the prettier person with the unlined and unemotional face is the one to trust? Obviously, this is the intention of the Spector-defense team.

Middle-aged women who show emotion are being systematically censored from our public media-consciousness, just as we reach that age in which we are finally able to show our emotions without fear of censure.

Sean Kennedy

We remember Sean Kennedy, murdered a mile from where I am sitting, just last month.

Vigil For Slain Gay Man Pushes For Hate Crime Law
Mon Jun 4, 3:19 PM ET

A candlelight vigil in Greenville was held to remember an openly gay man who friends say was a victim of a hate crime, and to push for legislation in South Carolina to prevent such crimes.

Friends of 20-year-old Sean Kennedy held the vigil Sunday evening. Kennedy died last month after being punched outside of Brews on Pelham Road.

Organizers wanted the vigil to draw attention to hate crime bills before the state Legislature and U.S. Congress. The bills would provide protection for people based on their gender, sexual orientation or disability.

The Rev. Donna Stroud, pastor of Metropolitan Community Church of the Upstate, said, "It's not a matter of giving special rights -- it's a matter of equal rights and protection under the law so that people won't have to be afraid of being who they are."

Stephen Andrew Moller, 18, is charged with murder in connection with Kennedy's death.

Greenville County deputies said that Moller made a comment about Kennedy's sexual orientation before punching him. His death is being investigated as a hate crime, but there is no law on the book that currently deals with the prosecution of hate crimes.

Sean's mother, Elke Kennedy, said, "Somebody hated Sean for being gay. Somebody punched Sean and ultimately killed him. That's not what we should do. Jesus said you should love and we should not judge."

From Upstate equality:

Sean was born on April 8, 1987 in Charleston, SC. As the youngest of three children, it was obvious from the beginning that he held the potential to be something great. Even as a child, he had an irresistible smile to go with the personality big enough to light up any room. He was never judging, and accepted from all walks of life. Sean was a simple person who left footprints in the hearts of everyone he touched, just one of his many gifts.

One of Sean's last gifts was the "gift of life". By donating his vital organs, Sean helped save the lives of six people..

Also see: Roxanne Walker.

My daddy said son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin, if you don't stop drivin that hot rod Lincoln...

Wrecked my car Monday. Big WHAM into the Kia SUV in front of me, whilst merging off of Verdae Blvd, right in front of the Olive Garden. Big spectacle. Why, oh why, God? 98 degrees, and I sat there waiting for the tow-truck for an hour, until I was as wet as if I had just been swimming.

State Farm totaled the car. What? One little front bumper and tire-cover? Apparently. Talked to Pedro, Man of Automobiles, who said he could fix it with recycled parts, for the amount they will pay me. Now, why couldn't State Farm find a recycled bumper? Why do we have insurance companies, in that event? Must everything be spanking new?

I am now thinking of that excellent book, BOWLING ALONE, and I wonder how we all got so dependent on cars, why we all live so S-P-R-E-A-D O-U-T, in toxic suburbs (apart from community and each other) and using up oil as if it were water. I hate being part of it, but frankly, I can't seem to extricate myself.

And so, I walk to work today. Argh. Actually, it isn't so bad, except for the heat, and crossing Pelham Road, which is literally taking one's life into one's hands. (Me and the Mexicans who work on Restaurant Row are the only folks walking.) I am lucky, in one way, that I live close enough to walk to work. No one else I know could.

And when I get there, soaking wet again. Yesterday, I took a washcloth and went into the bathroom, spraying myself with Aura Cacia Orange-Patchouli mist when I was done washing. I thought to myself, if all these people walked, we'd all be sweaty.

Once upon a time, not too long ago, everyone was sweaty all the time. Was that a better world? Certainly, computers could never survive in that heat. But were we more tolerant of appearances when we traveled long distances in the heat, getting dirty and smelly? My suburbanites are antiseptic, blow-dried, made-up, botoxed, perfect, muscled with no sweat or strain, sleeveless arms all fit and sleek, but no sign of ever having used them, and no reason to.

Postmenopausal Day!

I am starting this blog because it is now precisely ONE year since I have menstruated, making me officially an old woman.

It is now time for me to share my wisdom, look out upon the world and say hmmm. Yes. "Well, I remember back in the day..."

Thing is, I DO remember back in the day. And history repeats itself, like the man said, the first time as tragedy and the second time as farce. And so, I will try to remind everyone of what has happened before. Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

We see that now. The anti-war movement of my youth was large, dramatic, exhilarating...but we should always remember that it's strength was due to the DRAFT. It was not due to any moral or political superiority on our part, not by a long shot. Much of the anti-war movement was about the unbridled self-interest of the affluent classes. Once that fear (conscription) passed, and the draft abolished (by Nixon, that shrewd operator), the anti-war/peace movement virtually collapsed. And stayed that way.

What are the so-called "lessons of Vietnam"? Make sure the people fighting your war are people with absolutely no power.