Monday, August 16, 2010

A long way to go and a short time to get there

Stained glass is from St Mary's Catholic Church in Fredericksburg, Texas.

As always, I meant to blog about the Feast of the Assumption yesterday, but it seems to be a DEAD AIR tradition that I miss the day, so here I am once again, a day late.

Driving down Woodruff Road this morning, I got a new round of nasty honked-horns, merely because I took a few extra seconds to turn left. I am WELL AWARE of the reason for this, since it never used to happen. And you know what? Even if I *am* personally pissed off at our president, I'll be goddamned if I let some redneck [1] bullies force me into taking my ANOTHER MAMA FOR OBAMA bumper sticker off my car. I recently added a Lone Star flag sticker, which I hope makes them think I'm packing (since everybody in Texas is)... MAYBE I'll get some fucking peace.

This has been making me more and more angry.

It has happened maybe a dozen times now. I don't know when, but at some point, I am gonna lose my shit and we will have a full-fledged road-rage incident on our hands. Your mild-mannered, humble narrator will morph into an insane Irish yankee bitch, right before their surprised eyes; I'll leap madly out of my tiny, plucky Saturn and get all up in their face. Then, the Obama-haters (who probably *are* packing) will shoot me and it will all be on Court TV.[2] The lawyers will produce my bumper stickers and blog as evidence of dangerous radical activity, and (this being the Palmetto State!) the accused will have all charges dismissed immediately (and will possibly even be canonized by Nikki Haley!)... In fact, the defendants will probably be offered a reality-TV show: Death to the libs! which they drive randomly about the land, shooting people with the wrong (liberal) bumper stickers. It will be a BIG HIT.

I probably exaggerate. Probably. Maybe.


While driving, I was listening to classic country on WOLT-FM. And it struck me that the hopped-up young turks honking derisively at me are probably listening to evil, unAmerican, urban hip-hop, and wouldn't know good redneck music if it bit them in the ass. But isn't it interesting that these upwardly-mobile young people borrow the styles, cars, attitude, entertainments and music of the urban liberal classes, yet retain such backward politics? What's up with that? (More about this in an upcoming post I am working on, about the tea party and gay marriage.)

And right before the redneck honking commenced, I was listening to Jim Reeves, dubbed Gentleman Jim for whatever reason, whom my mother never liked. She didn't think "crooning" belonged in country music. Me neither, but when I hear his records now, I feel as old as God (in a good way) and can't turn them off. It's a particular type of music that has totally passed on, like Tin Pan Alley, British Invasion, Big Band... (sigh)

And this brings me to the end of my eventful journey today! I was going to... ugh... the doctor.


Mandatory yearly TMI segment, with gory medical details.

It's been awhile since we discussed gruesome medical procedures here at DEAD AIR. (Probably because I haven't been to the dentist since my horrific gum surgery.) Alas, just like our cars, bodily MAINTENANCE is often required, and today (TMI, turn back now) I had a sebaceous cyst removed by an earnest, young, bright-eyed dermatologist who duly outlined my "options" in cyst removal.

I wanted to tell him, dude, back in the day, doctors didn't bother to tell us squat, and just started to work. (And if you asked questions, they might even tell you to shut up until they were done.) Not these days... they have gotten the memo, and the bright-eyed young physicians want you to know things. They tell you all about your cysts. When I asked to look at it, he showed it to me. It looked like a large kernel of corn (exact shape of one!), but all bloody red. (It looked to have it's own blood supply, which is pretty Cronenbergian.) The procedure was called a PUNCH BIOPSY... you know, like a HOLE PUNCH on your job? Saints preserve us.

Do I really need to tell you WHERE this awful thing was located on my body? Yes, the worst place. Buried in cellulite, I am surprised he could find it at all. Lucky for me, it was all swelled up and BIG, so it probably called right out to him: HERE I AM, DOC! And he punched a hole, right in my ass.

Thinking idly about this, whilst the good doctor worked on my derriere, I thought of the movie line, "The Bailey family's been a boil on my neck long enough!"--growled out by the immortal Lionel Barrymore in IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. Barrymore delivers the line perfectly, in his fabulous rumbling baritone, but I've often thought it could have been much improved if the word was ASS... The Bailey family's been a boil on my ass long enough!--but that was 1946, and you weren't allowed to jazz up a script in such a fashion. [3] But I would loved to have heard old Lionel snarl out that line instead.

And so, here I am, waiting for the butt-novacaine to wear off, at which time I likely WON'T be sitting on a hard chair. ;) I bought a Mocha Frappuccino to cheer me up while I wait!

Trying to finish a number of posts in the meantime. The great thing about finally having low blog stats again? I can write anything I want and nobody is reading... and I can add some classic country too!

Enjoy, you crazy kidz!



[1] As a redneck, I can use this word, but you can't.

[2] I know, I know, we are supposed to call it truTV now, but that sounds dorky and stupid, and I hereby refuse.

I always wonder who got paid (and how much?) to come up with something as thoroughly dopey as "truTV"? (Which tells you exactly nothing about the court system or what type of legal programming the network specializes in!)

I hope the people at (the former) Court TV, understand that they was had.

[3] I often think about old movies that bore such language restrictions, when the situation and characters cry out for some limited but pointed cussing. For instance, Jeffrey Hunter and John Wayne should have cussed each other out a bunch of times in THE SEARCHERS, but of course, that was 54 years ago and simply not done.

I find it fascinating that a profusion of nasty words like "half-breed" and other racial insults *were* allowable, while simply calling someone a self-absorbed asshole was not.


You younguns will recognize this song as the inspiration for the amusing HBO show, Eastbound and Down, but older folks still associate it with the 70s movie, Smokey and the Bandit. (And it's where we get today's blog post title.)

Eastbound and Down - Jerry Reed


I grew up with this song, since every country and western band, including my mother's, was required to learn it. Truck-drivers considered it THEIRS and requested it every night. I love how it illustrates a whole mythology/culture around truck-driving.

Recorded back in 1963, you'd never hear "I'm taking little white pills and my eyes are open wide" in a country song ever again...

Six Days on the Road - Dave Dudley


She's Got You - Patsy Cline


Before I'm Over You - Loretta Lynn


You MUST HEAR Loretta belt out "Mississippi MAAAAAAN" in this song. Legendarily-amazing pipes!

Louisiana Woman, Mississippi Man - Loretta Lynn And Conway Twitty


Warren Beatty is from Virginia, and can be credited with helping to take bluegrass mainstream, using this traditional bluegrass song as the recurring theme in his movie, BONNIE AND CLYDE.

Foggy Mountain Breakdown - Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs w/the Foggy Mountain Boys


southcarolinaboy said...

I have always wanted to cover my car in queer bumper stickers, but here, I really am afraid that it would cause some of these weirdos to vandalize my car. I don't know if I'm being overly cautious, but I don't think so...

thene said...

I'm still baffled that Southerners have such a strong culture of politeness to all, but get so hostile on such a personal level when it comes to political disagreements. I guess they want to maintain the illusion of the moral majority by violently threatening people who step out of line.

I don't know if it's just my own awkwardness but here in GA I feel like people on the far right are far more free to talk to me about their politics (and their religion) than I am to talk to them about mine. They don't ask, either, as a rule; they just talk at you about their shit as if there's no room for non-belonging.

My guy and me have a no-bumper-stickers rule because we worry that the kind of things we might like to have on our bumper would make us targets for police harassment. Maybe we're overcautious, but I guess it doesn't hurt an immigrant gal and an Arab guy to be cautious together.

La Lubu said...

Ouch! In honor of your surgery, here's a link to one of the better ass-boil stories I've heard. Much better than the one I could tell you about a union brother who dropped his pants in the job trailer for another guy (tired of hearing gross stories about this infamous boil and its annual reoccurrance) to perform impromptu surgery with a pair of Kleins (that's 9" sidecutting pliers). Actually---that didn't happen. Trou was dropped, but the other guy was too scared after seeing the boil to want to touch his Kleins to it---pliers are expensive. The rest of us were fine after a dose of eyeball bleach.

JoJo said...

God you crack me up. Your cyst surgery story was a hoot. I hope you feel better! Make sure you sit on lots of pillows!

But I am confused: Are you still in Texas or are you home in SC? Cause you mentioned putting a TX bumper sticker on your car, that's why I ask.

You're right about the Barrymore line, 'ass' would have been a better word!

I'm mad at Obama too.

I'm such a bad Catholic. I never heard of the Assumption of Mary! I went to the link you posted. I had no idea that Mary didn't die and was 'assumed' into heaven. I guess I never really knew what became of Mary after the resurrection.

Word verif: flascixm

shadocat said...

ganicYou know, I used to have a rainbow sticker on the back of my car;just imagine the trouble I got into over THAT one...

EXCELLENT post, Daisy!

shadocat said...

Ganic! where the hell did that come from?

DaisyDeadhead said...

Looks like part of "ORGANIC"! Its great to see you here Shadocat! And La Lubu, that story freaked me out bigtime, LOL.

sheila said...

Greeeeeeeeat, now I'm gonna be singin East Bound and Down all damned day! LOVE that movie, lol.

Okay. 1st, that part about the bumper sticker is a real crack up, lol. I just love you.

Second, God I hope you feel better soon! I love that you used a pic of the operation game.

Sugarmag said...

Now that's some good music! Course I like Flat and Scruggs the best but that's only because of their influence on Jerry and Old and In the Way. Sigh. I love those guys.

white rabbit said...

I just had antibiotics for an - erm - similar - and similarly located - problem recently. Worked a treat. Look no cyst!


And try this from 'Top Gear take on the US' for rednecks! Yes, the intrepid trio are still alive.

Dave Dubya said...

While I'm pleased that your, ah, caboose, is back on track, I'll limit the remainder of my remarks to music.

My old coot take on today's country music is this: Most of it is not country music. For the last twenty some years it's been big-haired "Nashville Pop". Compared to the old Eagles and Gram Parsons this is really cliched, idiosyncratic soft rock with an occasional steel guitar. Old "Hippie Country" is more authentic than Nashville Pop. Jerry Garcia had more barnyard mud on his heels than most of Nashville's stars these days.

SnowdropExplodes said...

I remember "Smokey And the Bandit" from when I was growing up, a favourite movie of my friend and me - had some very pleasant flashbacks listening to that!

Blue Heron said...

Nice lineup of tunes.

Doc Anchovy said...

I gotta' hang with the Dubya...Most "modern" Country Music sounds like Fleetwood Mac after a weekend in Bakersfield or something.

Give me Jerry playing pedal steel with NRPS anyday!

Sorry about your, uh, butt.

sheila said...

Got me again, I came to see what's new here and saw the Smokey/Bandit clip. Another day of this song. lol! I wanted to say thanks for listing my blogs in your side bar. I knew one was there, but didn't realize the Aventine one was there. That's so sweet of you!

nettiemac said...

Dang girl - that's some damn good music too!

I have one bumper sticker: Sheheen for Gov. But usually, I don't do political stickers. I used to have "Well-behaved Women Rarely Make History" and "Follow Your Bliess" but I sold the car and just haven't ordered replacements yet.... note to self; getcherazz to Northern Sun post-haste.

I suppose I also shouldn't mention that I had 3 wisdom teeth extracted using just novacaine and nitrous oxide.... yeah, there's a story there.

Thanks for the tip on "Weighty Matters" for the Earth-Fare-Kids-Eat-Free. I don't have kids, but friends who do and who would definitely appreciate that bit of help!!

And Voldemort.... well, let's just say God knows who he is and I'll leave it to him for the rest of the story.... :D :D :D