Date a geek today

Can I say it? I feel really sorry for people who are dating now.

A whole generation has gone by since I last shopped for males. (In November, we will celebrate our 24th anniversary.) And from the looks of things, it's gotten kinda ugly out there.

I think it must be terrible for people to look you up and down, talk to you for five minutes, then press the buzzer: NEXT. Back in the day, before the internet, things were slower. You usually didn't press the NEXT buzzer until you knew the person fairly well and were CERTAIN it was time to press the NEXT buzzer. And even then, you might keep that person around as a good friend, the way Chris Rock says women keep a man in the wings: "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass." (Yes, she admitted, head hung low, I did that for years. Because as Chris Rock says, you never know.)

This post was inspired by a geek-hating tirade, and I just had to say something.

As an old lady married to a geek, let me say, geeks are the greatest. AND the smartest. (I admit, being married to a genius is important to my self-image.) But I understand that not everyone feels that way. Big Blogdonia hoopla over this intended-humorous post over at Gizmodo. (I thought Gizmodo was a geeky-site, so I was surprised that they would run an anti-geek piece.) Trendy young woman dates a geek, and suffers extended apoplexy:

The next day I Googled my date and a wealth of information flowed into my browser. A Wikipedia page! Competition videos! Fanboy forums! This guy isn’t just some professional who dabbled in card games at a tender age. He’s widely revered in the game of Magic that he’s been immortalised in his own playing card.

Just like you’re obligated to mention you’re divorced or have a kid in your online profile, shouldn’t someone also be required to disclose any indisputably geeky world championship titles? But maybe it was a long time ago? We met for round two later that week.

At dinner I got straight down to it. Did he still play? “Yes.” Strike one. How often? “I’m preparing for a tournament this weekend.” Strike two. Who did he hang out with? “I’ve met all my best friends through Magic.” Strike three. I smiled and nodded and listened. Eventually I even felt a little bit bad that I didn’t know shit about the game. Here was a guy who had dedicated a good chunk of his life to mastering Magic, on a date with a girl who can barely play Solitaire. This is what happens, I thought, when you lie in your online profile. I was lured on a date thinking I’d met a normal finance guy, only to realise he was a champion dweeb in hedge funder’s clothing.

I later found out that he infiltrated his way into OKCupid dates with at least two other people I sort of know, including one of my co-workers. Mothers, warn your daughters! This could happen to you. You’ll think you’ve found a normal bearded guy with a job, only to end up sharing goat cheese with a world champion of nerds. Maybe I’m an OKCupid arsehole for calling it that way. Maybe I’m shallow for not being able to see past his world title. But if everyone stopped lying in their profiles, maybe there also wouldn’t be quite as many OKCupid horror stories to tell.

This post exploded onto several blogs, as the geeks and geek-defenders came out in force. Gizmodo even replied semi-officially and took the guy's name out of the piece. (But with the multitude of information the author has provided, it would be really easy to locate him and his name.) Sady Doyle takes up the charge and defends the initial poster and her account of the shitty date. (NOTE: Sady is far funnier.) Eventually THAT thread has to be closed down too. The whole thing has caused a near-riot in Blogdonia.

Meanwhile, I am rendered mute and remain utterly clueless about the whole thing. Really? A game? Really?

And what's wrong with goat cheese?

See there, I am already hopelessly uncool. I don't even understand the underlying premises of why this man is bad. As far as I can see, he didn't insult her or women in general, did not grab her tit or pinch her ass, was reasonably literate and dressed inoffensively. (She offhandedly says they discussed "normal stuff" and includes "college" as one of those "normal" things... obviously, a man who had not been to college at all would not have been regarded as "normal" or good enough, regardless of his interests or intelligence. In virtually all angry replies to the post, this casual elitism was unremarked upon.) Is it supposed to be bad or good to dress like a hedge fund guy? And why? Is capitalism considered an unbridled good by this person? If the guy had oodles of money (if his card-game-of-choice was the World Series of Poker rather than Magic: The Gathering), would she have been impressed?

Feminism is not just about women. Feminism is also about men. We cannot expect men to transcend their base desires and like us as people, if we are not willing to do the same to them. If we judge men solely by their wallets or their hobbies, we can hardly be angry when they judge us by our boobs or our weight.

Does it shock you when I tell you I married AN UNEMPLOYED PERSON? Of course, now, he has had his job longer than everybody, but when I met him, this was certainly not the case. Sady says there is no such thing as the Frog turning into the Prince and sees this as propaganda for girls to accept Frogs and to be happy with them:

We get a lot of sexist narratives about love, but none of them are more pernicious and subtle than this: The Frog Prince story. You could call it “Beauty and the Beast,” too. Or you could call it “Twilight,” or “Knocked Up,” or “Rory Williams Won’t Stop Whining;” it’s always the same story, anyway. Girl meets guy. On the surface, this guy is unappealing! Because he’s a frog! Or he’s not sexually attractive to her, or he treats her badly, or he’s immature, or he’s Rory Williams and he won’t stop whining; all of these are frog-like states, generally considered unkissable. But only a bitch would think that frogs don’t deserve our sweet, sweet kisses, so the woman doesn’t leave. Instead, she looks for the guy’s good qualities. She lowers her standards; she changes her expectations. She gives up on her silly little “ideas” about “attractiveness” or “compatible lifestyles” or “having fun with her partner.” Finally, she loses touch with her own desires to the point that she winds up making out with a fucking frog. At which point he becomes a prince. Or a loving husband, or a responsible person, or a whiny little Roman Centurion; the point is, in these stories, once you give up on wanting things from men, men magically become what you want.

Here’s the secret, though, if you are the girl in this particular story: That guy never became a prince. At all. He’s still the same guy; he still possesses all those qualities you initially found unappealing, for all sorts of valid reasons. People don’t go from frog to mammal overnight, and they particularly don’t do so because you ask less of them; you are still making out with a frog, in the long run. The only reason he looks like a prince nowadays is that you lowered your standards to the point that you literally could not tell the difference between frog and mammal.

First of all, I was an alcoholic very active in AA when he met me, a single welfare mother with a three-year-old child, so I was not free of my own amphibian tendencies. And maybe those flaws are pretty glaring, but you know, everyone has them. Everyone. But because mine WERE so glaring, I could not lie about them or hide them, and had to face them up front. I was not a terrific bargain, and I did not present myself that way. Perhaps everyone should consider that? (Aside: Working-class and poor kids are frequently asked by their peers, Who do you think you are?, and I often wonder if the middle-and-upper-class kids are ever asked that question, because they sure don't act like it. But I digress.)

And second, I find it interesting Sady thinks the Frog tale is a propaganda story for women... when I think women wrote the story, out of personal experience.

In short, we SAW the prince emerge, so we know. For sure.

As one who has been married three times, let me share something crucial: you do not know who men are until the shit hits the fan. (Yes, I'm afraid the military is right about that one.) Our characters are forged in crisis. Will this man stand by you when you go to court with the ex? When you are sick? Been fired? Lost your mother? How will he respond? What kind of father will he be? You don't know any of this ahead of time, even if you think you do. One of the worst things that can ever happen, is finding out that you married someone who can't deal with emotions or reality, who subsumes himself in work or TV or porn. When you are young and carefree and everything is fun, you can easily handle things. But the first time something HAPPENS (i.e. somebody becomes an alcoholic, okay: ME) and this person can't deal? They will cut you loose and move on. It turns out they are not someone cut out for the long haul, and you had no clue. (How could you have had a clue? Nothing BAD had ever happened before.) You could go years and never know this about a man. And it happened to me.

What you want is a man who understands what true partnership means. These men are rare, so rare in fact, that you shouldn't turn them away just because they play the wrong game. Really, that is the least of it. (Some hints I can offer in retrospect: during the dating period, does he keep his distance when you are upset or yowling? Does he say, "call back when you have calmed down"? Move on. When you have children together, he will treat them like shit and refuse to deal. Because as you probably know, kids yowl all the time.)

The secret to being married a long time is: Your souls merge. Your MINDS merge. You may not like his games, but you will learn about them nonetheless. Even more than that: you will learn what traits he displays while playing said game, and why it makes him so happy. Similarly, he may not like your stuff either, but he will learn the lyrics of Who songs anyway. Eventually, you hear him tell someone else that the Who was great, and you privately preen. Just to yourself.

At this point, we finish each other sentences, or don't even bother with whole sentences.

Example: TV commercial comes on.

Him: "That reminds me of..."

Me: "Yeah, but that was a different actor."

Him: "No, same guy."

Me: "You sure?"

Friends: stare at us dumbfounded, and we don't even know why, until they tell us.

And I like it that way. :)

So here I am, defending the geeks. Because I am happily married to one, and have been for a long time. And girls, if you overlook them as a category, you are cheating yourselves. You really are.

But then, I occasionally eat goat cheese too. You might want to disregard my opinion.

Jim DeMint's Tea Party Presidential Forum

At Left: On CNN a few minutes ago, Rep. Michele Bachmann supports a Human Life Amendment.



Yes, I am LIVE BLOGGING Jim DeMint's teabagger forum in Columbia AS IT HAPPENS!

I was unable to hitch a ride down to Columbia in the thunderstorm, so can't be there to yell and scream in person. (sigh) So I am listening online to South Carolina Senator (and major Tea-Party busybody) Jim DeMint and his thoroughly offensive, reactionary love-in. DeMint is tossing lovey-dovey softball questions, along with his trusty minions Congressman Steve King (R–Iowa) and Dr Robert George, founder of the American Principles Project. Dr George just employed the phrase "respect the dignity of all members of the human family, including those in the womb." See, I think they really mean WHITE HETEROSEXUALS in the womb, but then "the human family" has always meant very specific things to Republicans.

Bachmann just said she believed in "equal protection under the law"--wait, what? And she also believes in limiting marriage to heterosexuals. So, she just contradicted herself within three-and-a-half minutes.

Waiting for the Ron Paul fireworks. The rest of these people are wind-up dolls.

Herman Cain, pizza man, is up now.

The questioners are playing immigration-gotcha with Cain. I wonder why? Was he "soft on immigration" at some point in his career? (Did Godfather Pizza neglect to check those Green Cards? Uh-oh!)

These DeMinted minions are pretty obsessed with abortion. In particular, Dr George keeps repeating his line above, ALL MEMBERS OF HUMAN FAMILY... etc. Is he going to use this exact cult-phrase with each and every candidate? (If so, DAISY'S DEAD AIR will hereby reward him with his own post, as I try to do with all the Tea Party whack jobs.) He seems equally obsessed with Catholics being discriminated against by adoption agencies. (NOTE: I didn't understand the importance of this point until his conversation with Governor Romney, later in the debate.)

Cain supports DOMA and traditional marriage. No surprise there. He most especially wanted to talk about his "999" taxation program; Cain's "999" plan replaces the current tax code with a nine percent tax on corporate profits, nine percent on personal income, and nine percent on national retail sales. That magic NINE again! As we discussed here, NINE is the number of completion. Clearly, Herman's been reading his numerology and tarot texts.

Even so, he is a pest, and gets a big fat ZERO from DEAD AIR.

Newt Gingrich!!!! It's the intellectual! Batten down the hatches! Newt is suddenly onstage and makes football jokes out of the box... he appreciates teams like USC that "fumble early in the game, and then come from behind to win." Applause. Cute.

Newt drones on, like a college lecturer (which he has been), talking about the meaning of existence and how the founders were telling us what LIFE MEANT in the Constitution. (Really? Wow, who knew?) And then he goes back to 1802, when Thomas Jefferson eliminated some federal judges. If Jefferson can do it, Newt certainly can. (I just realized that Ohio wasn't even a state then, so I am thinking most of the rest of the country did not exist either... this little fact doesn't derail Newt in the least.)

Gay-baiting time, Newt has a lesbian sister! But the four-times-married heterosexual snubs his sister and the rest of the GLBT population, and says, in so many words, fuck you. He makes it clear that conservatives should not be intimidated by saying marriage is man-woman only.

In this instance, the message for progressives is obvious: INTIMIDATE THEM and call them bigoted haters at every opportunity ... obviously, cautioning his comrades that they should not be intimidated, means they already are.

He calls President Barack Obama "the most effective food stamp president in history"--engaging in some oblique race-baiting. (Newt was always really good at that, while running for congress in Georgia.) Then he accelerates the race-baiting ever-so-slightly, by talking about Detroit. (Why Detroit, of all places? Hm?) Why hasn't Obama fixed Detroit? And repeal Dodd Frank while you're at it! (no explanation of WHY is given) And he likes offshore drilling, the Webb Warner bill, drill baby drill! He reminds everyone in the audience what this would mean for Charleston Harbor. ($$$) Talk about pandering.

Yes, the minion repeated his "respect the dignity of all members of the human family, including those in the womb" cult phrase, for the third time.

Ron Paul gets a squeal from the back of the convention hall, the biggest applause of the afternoon so far.

Congressman Paul starts off sounding like a zealot; a little too wonky. He knows his Constitution and quotes Article 1, section whatever, as impressively as Newt does. Did you know only gold and silver were intended to be legal tender? (I expect a spate of CASH FOR GOLD ads on my blog now.)

He basically wants to dismantle the state, including (did I hear him right?) the police force. He says thousands of bureaucrats were not supposed to be armed, the PEOPLE are supposed to be armed. Hm. Jefferson got rid of the Central Bank, Jackson demolished the Central Bank and we must have the courage to take on the fed. Stop printing money. Keynesian economics will bankrupt the country. Etc.

And then, they asked about our global role. Representative Paul was unequivocal: bring all the US troops home. Now. No nation-building! A woman in the back screamed in approval; there was applause. Ron Paul pointed out that the USA is basically subsidizing South Korea, Germany and Japan's defense. Make them pay for it themselves, he said.

But, but, but... Rep. Steve King says, no troops ANYWHERE? ANYWHERE? He is clearly in shock.

Nope, Ron stands firm. Nowhere. (Audience applause, and I found myself grinning at this.) The man has balls!

About the welfare state, he said a generation had grown up believing in "entitlements" and that is a bad thing. And then, he segued into corporations garnering staggering entitlements, and he almost made me swoon. Nice touch, dude.

Dr George delivers the anti-abortion cult statement once more. (He is going for the gold.) Ron Paul says he would let the states settle the issue. Dr George seems happy with Ron Paul's anti-abortion voting record, but he doesn't like his states rights position. (See, conservatives love "states rights" when it suits them, but not when it doesn't.) Dr Paul compares this to the capital punishment situation, which is different in all states. He seems pleased with that. Dr George, obviously, is not pleased with that AT ALL.

Aside: What about the old Libertarian position, which Ron Paul used to tout when he was running for president as a Libertarian in the 70s? Am I the only person who remembers that? He said THEN, that abortion was not a political issue. When did he change his mind and WHY WON'T SOMEBODY ASK HIM THAT????

Too wonky and disjointed. DEAD AIR gives him a 25% for effort, and for being original.

And now, the android from the catalog, Governor MITT ROMNEY! (Does anyone remember Barbie's boyfriend, KEN, by MATTEL?)

He starts off quoting Justice Brandeis: "The STATES should be the laboratories of democracy." It sounds nice, so he gets all pumped up and pleased with himself.

During Romney's rap, thought I heard some chanting from outside... did somebody bust in? (Or is it just somebody yelling at their kids in the lobby?) I hope it was a hell-raiser! Yeah!

Romney dutifully regurgitates what the others have said, throws in criticisms of Dodd-Frank and all the rest of it. The thing is, he LOOKS so much better than all the rest. He is totally TV-ready, no umming and ahhing like Herman and Ron, no bad hair like Newt, no gollee-gee flat Midwestern accent like Michele. In fact, he sounds like a radio personality with NO regionalisms at all; as George Carlin once said, the DJ voice says, "HELLO! I'm from NOWHERE!"--and Romney sounds like he is most assuredly from Nowhere. He does remind us that he prays. (Better not linger on that TOO long, dude.)

For the fifth time, Dr George repeats his cult phrase about the members of the human family. I am starting to find this really super-creepy. Why these special words, this particular incantation? Why does he say it the same exact way every time? He appears to be a reasonably intelligent and informed person, able to speak extemporaneously... why does he keep up the mantra? Does he think this phrase will especially prick the consciences of pro-choice people or something? I dunno. However, it does finally become clear why he keeps mentioning adoption and Catholics: Catholic adoption agencies won't place children with gay parents, and of course, conservatives don't think they should.

And on this Labor Day, asshole Jim DeMint trashes UNIONS and grills Romney about Right-to-Work laws. The fact that the whole audience is allowed to sit there and have a LABOR DAY holiday, obtained for the American people by UNIONS, makes me damn livid... and I nearly STOPPED THIS WHOLE POST. Hypocrisy SUCKS, Senator.

Ending on a note of definite dyspepsia.

Rick Santorum is right here in Greenville, a few miles away, at Chiefs Wings and Firewater... they didn't invite him to the show. Tee hee.

Sing Out Louise! Smile, Baby!

Graphic from Yellowdog Granny.









I am hoping to make it down to Columbia for the Republican CNN dog-and-pony-show (debate, I mean), but so far, no vehicular luck. Still panhandling for a ride, if any of you brave souls plan to go down there tomorrow to check out the Democratic Process In Action (grunts for emphasis). The Ron Paul people are having their rally directly afterwards, and that sounds like a good place to start witnessing the Third Party Gospel. I'm on it! Well okay, I would ordinarily be on it, if I had a car that could safely sustain a hundred-mile round trip without a thorough examination, which I don't.

Yes, yes, I know, if I had been a conscientious DoBee [1] I would have gotten my oil changed and tires rotated and what-all, but as an unemployed person I have not seen THE POINT. (See, she pauses to point out, HOW UNEMPLOYMENT NEGATIVELY INFLUENCES THE ECONOMY?!?) At any rate, here I am, send notes and emails and Twitters and Facebook IMs and what-have-you, if you are going down to our illustrious state capital to protest or hang out with the Ron Paul people tomorrow.

My first radio excursion on Saturday morning went well. Gregg roused himself from his cardiologist's floor and aided me wonderfully! I was scared to death, and had the proverbial death-grip on my old wooden antique rosary from Notre Dame (Indiana, not France), which was left to me by a deceased female neighbor named Butch, so its very lucky. In addition, I inexplicably required a huge Double Mocha Frappucino to get it done, but I did it! (Next week, will probably be able to make do with a regular single Vanilla.)

PLEASE DROP IN AND LISTEN! WFISradio.com, 1600 AM or 94.9 FM on your radio dial... or online. 9:00 AM on Saturday mornings, which is an ungodly weekend hour, and I apologize for that.

~*~

Be-bopping around the internet today, whilst watching Doris Day (yall know how much I love Doris) in With Six You Get Eggroll. A bad movie that nonetheless fascinated me as a wide-eyed, gullible youngster... as Single Mom-with-kids marries Single Dad-with-kids, and they wholesomely "blend" their families. As many of you know, I desperately wanted my mother to get married and behave in this wonderfully-domestic fashion, particularly if it meant she would stop wearing the bubble hairdos, popping amphetamines, singing in the country and western bands every night, drinking and smoking like a rat-pack member, marrying people she had just met and dammit, ACT LIKE SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO. [2] Ha.

Of course, now I realize, neither did Doris. If I had only known!

Will somebody tell me: Did wholesome TV-dad Brian Keith die of AIDS or is that just a rumor? Am I mixing him up with Robert Reed, since the plot of this movie is where they obviously came up with THE BRADY BUNCH? (It seemed that after Robert Reed died, it was suddenly open season on the nice TV-dads and magically, they all became gay overnight.)

Okay, checked Wikipedia: No, not true. Suicide. I knew it was something uncommon.

A shame. I always liked him.

The sweet, precocious little child-star, Anissa Jones, whom I liked so much on Brian Keith's old show, Family Affair, was an accidental drug death at age 18. We were only 6 months apart in age. The other child on the show, Johnny Whitaker, has spoken at length about his addiction problems, also, and is now a drug counselor.

I guess these Hollywood-fantasy families really were fake, weren't they?

~*~

[1] To the non-baby boomers, this is from the children's TV show Romper Room and has no relationship to the word DOOBIE as a joint or the Doobie Brothers. There were Do Bees and Don't Bees, and of course, we all tried to be good DO BEES! (We marginally succeeded.)

[2] Mama! Get out your white dress/you've done it before/without much success (Stephen Sondheim to the rescue). When I first heard this song as a kid, at maybe 8 years old, I sobbed my little heart out. (And it's where we get today's blog post title.)

See, I thought, the stipper's children understand!

This is Radio Clash

On the air in less than 24 hours, and my nerves are shot. It doesn't help that Mr Daisy has (unavoidably) had to leave the state on the weekend of my radio debut. In addition, my Green Party guru (and radio co-host) passed out on his cardiologist's floor this afternoon; my internet flickers in and out for no apparent reason that the bemused AT&T man can figure out, and I am suddenly worried that I will need to change my blog motto-- from Ain't Skeered to Skeered.

Gah!

I remember I used to get this nervous when doing AA talks, and I have to remember: talk-radio isn't nearly as unnervingly personal as that was. As I think Richard Pryor once said, even if you're funny, talking about yourself is always scary... unless you're lying.

Politics, one fervently hopes, will be a far easier topic.

Why do I find sending words over the internet (in blog or Facebook form) so easy, yet find the idea of speaking on airwaves (about many of the same subjects!) so daunting? I have been talking to the public, in various forms of customer service, for many years, so it isn't that. I think just a general lack of experience in radio, has given me pause. I am going where I have never gone before (or only a few times, long ago).

Wish me luck.

~*~

This is Radio Clash - The Clash

DeMint's upcoming presidential forum

I am thinking we should be there too. What say you?


If anyone else wants to express your opinion ON SITE, please drop me a line. ;)

LABOR DAY, indeed! DeMint has a lotta nerve!

Now the Country will be watching (from Greenville Online blog)

Now it’s a national audience for Sen. Jim DeMint’s presidential forum in Columbia on Labor Day.

A CNN spokesman told Greenvilleonline.com that the cable channel plans to cover the 3 p.m. event at the Columbia Metropolitan Convention Center.

In addition, CNN correspondent John King will broadcast his 7 p.m. show from Columbia and have DeMint as a guest, the cable channel said.

All the top-polling Republican candidates have already agreed to participate.

They’ll appear on stage one at a time to take questions from DeMint, U.S. Rep. Steve King of Iowa and Robert P. George, founder of the American Principles Project.

SCETV will also broadcast the forum and, according to organizers, Townhall.com will provide a live webcast followed by an online discussion.

Everybody join in please, whether you are in South Carolina or not! WE NEED YOU!

It should be an interesting event. And I hope I can make it in person!