Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Garbage television addiction update

Although I proudly bragged in Monday's post about being a bad bitch, goodness mercy, folks... ain't no way I could measure up to the current crop of REAL HOUSEWIVES on the Bravo network. I'm currently watching both the New York and Orange County editions, she admitted, embarrassed. These shows put one in mind of slo-mo trainwrecks; gaudy, narcissistic, hedonistic, expensive, collagen-injected, botoxed, designer-clad, exquisitely-decorated, very thin trainwrecks. On another level, they are one long commercial for capitalism as The Entire Lifestyle, the Alpha and the Omega. (The human flaws, then, are also a manifestation of the lifestyle.)

Unfortunately, this season's bitchitude doesn't reach the mythic levels of RHO-New Jersey. RHONJ was totally in a class by itself, featuring such Golden Moments of Reality TV as Teresa's now-legendary table-flipping routine (even satired on SOUTH PARK), hair-pulling at chi-chi country clubs, psychic-healing by telephone and lots of other suburban fun. The New York/California crowd simply can't measure up to the cheesiness of our beloved Jersey Girls. You could wait all season and NOBODY will pull anyone else's hair, or their weave either. (sigh) Now, the Atlanta gals, especially NeNe, have engaged in some hair-pulling, and that show understands WHY WE WATCH. Don't be tardy for the party!

The one consistent sign of intelligence in these shows, Bethenny Frankel, got her own (well-deserved) spin-off TV show on Bravo. I enjoy watching her wittily fuss about her new baby, hubby, business, in-laws, etc, but it certainly isn't as much fun as listening to her dish about the other New York Housewives in her very honest, snarky, funny, acerbic, barbed fashion. And the fights! The Bethenny vs Kelly bouts were almost as good as Teresa turning over tables in posh restaurants. Any chance of a rematch between you girls? Your fans demand it!

Will Kelly guest star on Bethenny's show, maybe do a bunny-boiler routine? Not a stretch at all, and it's certainly better than Kelly pretending to be a reporter; Brenda Starr on crack. (And we can all do without more of THAT, please.) Yall need to jazz this stuff up, or I'ma quit watching.

Teresa raised the bar and now we want housewives attacking each other. And what's next? "Housewife snuff"?*

The ratings would go through the roof.

*I am suddenly reminded of the amusing short story "The National Pastime" by Norman Spinrad. Can't find a link.


CrackerLilo said...

I think of sports as my "reality show," and get really into the storylines. Therefore, I try not to judge others, but I didn't get the appeal of the Housewives. Thank you for explaining it--while I most likely still won't watch, I understand a bit better why others would.

Ann O'Dyne said...

Hi Daisy - I just read today's London news of the CEO of the Hoover vacuum cleaner company yanking all his advertising from the TV station that cancelled his 2 favourite soaps.
What a guy.
Next time I buy a vacuum I will make sure it's a Hoover brand.

Daisy said...

The Real Housewives shows are one of my guilty pleasures, too. Is it possible for a human being to be more self-involved than most of them are?

JoJo said...

Well kudos to you for admitting your weakness for those shows. I, for one, find them nauseating. With everything that's going on in the world, I can't believe people are watching these shows. The women on them make me sick.

And what makes them 'real housewives' anyway? As I understand it they are all wealthy and have money to blow on shopping sprees. When I hear the words 'real housewives', I think of stay at home moms, of all shapes and sizes, trying to make ends meet for their families and the creative ways they get by w/o spending a ton of money. Not rich, fake tanned, anorexic, obnoxious bitches cat fighting and shopping in high end stores.