Tuesday, May 20, 2008



...had a credit card in your own name, rather than a man's name.

...used safe birth control.

...worked in a field once considered male or that is still predominantly male.

...worn pants to school at any time during your academic life.

...learned to play unladylike instruments such as the drums (which I wasn't permitted to learn).

...played on a sports team and people were actually proud of you for it.

...know where your clitoris is.

...know where your G-spot is.

...had a home birth.

...had a safe, legal abortion.

...voted for Hillary, Nancy Pelosi or any other openly feminist candidate.

...decided to postpone childbearing until your 30s or later.

...decided not to have children at all, and didn't make up health reasons for it.

...decided to have a career AND children.

...been on maternity leave and got paid for it, rather than fired, demoted or laid off.

...had a stay-at-home husband.

...decided not to get married at all.

...decided to try polyamory or another alternative lifestyle.

...learned to play billiards, poker or Blackjack; ride a Harley or drive a semi.

...had/have a woman minister/rabbi/priest or are one yourself.

...think what you say is as important as what a man says.

...don't believe that women who are raped somehow "asked for it"

...don't believe that a wife beaten by her husband somehow "asked for it"--or that it is "none of your business" if domestic violence goes on in relationships.

...learned that an orgasm is as important to you as it is to any man.

...made a lot of money, unconnected to what your male partner does.

...came out as a lesbian, believing it's great and exciting and cool (etc) rather than something to hide or lie about.

...played with anything other than dolls, tea sets, E-Z Bake ovens or coloring books as a child.

...went anywhere alone after the age of 12.

...been allowed to read whatever you wanted as a child or teenager.

...worn pants to work.

...took a woodworking class in school.

...had a tattoo, or several.

...kept your "maiden" name or use a hyphenated name.

...worn any clothing considered "outrageous"--i.e. hippie, punk, goth, vintage, etc.

...ran for any office other than school board.

...gave a man custody of your children, expecting to actually see them again.

...invested in property or stocks under your own name.

...had a bank account separate from your husband's.

...lived with a man outside of marriage, and people still speak to you, employ you, etc.

...attended any kind of sex education course in public school.

...unabashedly enjoyed pornography, football, boxing, or other traditionally male entertainments.

...expected to make as much money per hour as a man does.

...been permitted to go into a gym or basketball court and work out.

...attended college for reasons other than finding a husband.

...listened to aggressive music (rock, hip-hop) by women.

...listened to ANY music produced by women.

...watch television shows or movies produced, directed and written by women.

...had elective surgery without your husband's or father's signature.

...dated/married a heterosexual man who used cosmetics, moisturizers, or had his hair done.

...learned self-defense.

...been in a position of authority over a man.

...use Ms. instead of Miss or Mrs.



This post was inspired by the young feminists who seem to believe they have invented feminism and have nothing to learn from women over 50. Well, I have some news for you. As Kevin McCarthy famously said at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers: You're next!

I hope you are prepared to be ignored when you are older, since you are doing absolutely nothing to change that state of affairs NOW.

Who am I talking to?

If you have not included old women in your blog roll, read their books, heard their point of view, nominated them for awards, listened to their histories, included them in your feminism and they pointedly are not commenting on your blog, ask yourself what you are doing wrong and keep in mind: This post is for you.

Listening to: The Pretenders - Precious
via FoxyTunes


Octogalore said...


Kristin said...

I'm sorry, but I don't really have anything better to say than... This post is awesome! Well done.

Sylvia/M said...

*shakes her rattle in camaraderie*

matttbastard said...

Awesome post, Daisy.


skdadl said...

-- decided to fight for other women who still aren't quite convinced that they are full and equal human beings, but who are maybe ready to have that thought ...

Awesome post, Daisy, and thank you very much.

CrackerLilo said...

Absolutely, Daisy.

One of my favorite proverbs ever is, "If we stand tall, it is because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors."

I try to remember.

Renegade Evolution said...

This post kick several asses, all at once!

GallingGalla said...

Abso-f'ing-lutly spot on, Daisy.

My 49-year-old self is getting pretty tired of hearing "we must center the voices of young women" over and over again, as if anybody over 30 is now just fish wrap.

Note to 20-somethings: Ageism cuts both ways.

saorla said...

So very true Daisy. Going to forward this to all my girls

hysperia said...

WOW! I'd say you made my day but you might have made my life as I know it. I've been a feminist since I was 17 yrs old, 39 years ago. Quite often, I think I know something. I've often been startled by the stunning silence when I talk about "the old days". Oh yeah, sometimes I'm reminiscing. But hell, why not? And at other times, I do think I have something to contribute - something that worked, something that didn't, something that might, an old insight in need of refreshment. And I really do LIKE young women, young people. I want to know them. Nice if the relationship is mutual.

Way to go Daisy. And peace.

Just A Girl said...

What a wonderful blog entry. For what it's worth, this 22 year old is very proud to be the daughter of a second-wave feminist. It's so easy for me to forget that the things my mother did- go into a male-dominated field, keep her maiden name, marry outside her ethnic group, continue to work while having children in her 30s, etc.- were amazing and wonderful things to do.

jj said...

Outstanding, Daisy! Many thanks!

Aishwarya said...


Cheshire said...

Thankyou Daisy, for being a second wave feminist and a great blogger.

Thankyou second wave feminism for most of the things on daisy's list as well as for giving one of your own, a second wave feminist stay at home father who told me I could be anything I wanted to be and meant it.

Lady S said...

Wow. That's an amazing list.

Beijing York said...

You nailed it Daisy. Very uplifting post.

Daisy said...

skdadl, I briefly lurked on the babble (Canadian) message board/forum--didn't you post there? (haven't been there since forever)
I remember your comments even now and how great they were! I wish you had a blog, or do you?

AND THANKS SO VERY MUCH to everyone who has been so nice!!! (((sniffs)))

Daisy Bond said...

Thank you! Excellent post, excellent point.

Iamcuriousblue said...

OK, I have to admit, I'm somebody who's been pretty down on Second Wave feminism, both as identified with "radfeminism" (though those people never represented the whole Second Wave), and with the "angry white female" voting block around Hillary Clinton.

But as your list so well points out, Second Wavers were responsible for a great deal of good, much of which is largely taken for granted now, and some of which (ie, abortion rights) it is still possible to lose.

And speaking as the son of a single mother, where would I be now without a lot of the rights and reforms won by Second Wavers?

smartlikeme said...

LOVE IT!!! Great post

annie said...

fantastic post, daisy. all of it rang true. i encounter similar attitudes these days, and my feeling is always: we helped blaze the trail, so please don't trash it, sisters.

it felt really fine to say yes to so many of these. thanks.

Saranga said...

Great post! I'm saying thank you now :) And linking this.

Caitlin said...

Great post and great blog generally - I'm very glad The F-word linked to you :) I shall do so too...

Helen G said...

Hello Daisy

Thank you for this post, you've made a happy lady very old... or something... ~_^

Thank you also for your kind words (above) about my linking to you from The F Word

Ravenmn said...

Yeah, we weren't perfect, but we did make a difference! Thanks for putting it in perspective!

matttbastard said...

skdadl, I briefly lurked on the babble (Canadian) message board/forum--didn't you post there? (haven't been there since forever)
I remember your comments even now and how great they were! I wish you had a blog, or do you?

Mah belle skskskdadl (and her abfab comments) can now be found @ the Bread & Roses forums. She also blogs @ pogge.ca (though not as often as I'd prefer--hmph).

(And, no, she didn't compensate me for the plug).


skdadl said...

Hi, Daisy! And thanks to mattt with three tees for reuniting us.

Yes, I should write more to POGGE than I do, but I already talk too much. ;-)

sly civilian said...


thanks for writing this, daisy.

ouyangdan said...



mossymermaid said...

Rock on.
I remember my mum telling me about when she returned from working in Africa in the 1960s as a widow.

She was refused a mortgage because she was a woman, and didn't have a man to sign for her.

It's because of women like her (and you) that I have the freedoms I have now, and I won't forget it.

La Lubu said...


(damn is this post going into the Hall of Fame)

I've met a lot of women older than myself who went out of the way to come up to me and tell me how glad they were to see me in the trades, and how they themselves tried to get in before the Carter Administration really paved the way for women in the trades---and couldn't.

Xtine said...

Ame...um, A-Woman, Sister!

The Girl Detective said...


Susie V said...

You're welcome, from this 60-year-old feminist (humanist), whose parents (born 1911 and 1913) were ALSO feminists (humanists).

All their adult lives, my parents peacefully fought for the rights of women. Helped organized Planned Parenthood, too. SO much more!

So I thank MY beloved mother and father for bringing me up in such an intelligent, caring, and loving environment.

Woodstock Hippie

"Sudy" said...


harriettheelf said...

quite simply, this rocks. Thank you.

::scurries off to thank her second-wave feminist mama::

cripchick said...

i love you, dais. thank you.

a very public sociologist said...

Good stuff, Daisy. I have encountered a mood among your feminists that the second wave was all about victimhood and excluding women of colour and working class women. To what extenet this is true, I don't know. But what I do know is without it women today would have remained stuck in the 50s-style servility that was so devastatingly dissected by Betty Friedan. In fact, I would suggest that so-called third wave feminism, and particularly its postmodern variants, sorely lack the liberationist and activist thrust of the second wave. And it's all the poorer for it.

a very public sociologist said...

Sorry, that should have been *young* feminists, not your feminists. Duh!

L. E. Hairstylist said...

The one about wearing pants to school brought a tear of joy and pride to my eye. My mother participated in a school-wide protest in the seventies where all the girls in her school wore pants on the same day, and forced the school to change its policies, as they couldn't put half of the student body in detention, could they? My heart soared when I remembered the way she told me that story. I wish I could go back now, and tell my (single, hippie) mother how proud and thankful I was.

Daisy said...

LE Hairstylist, yes, I participated in one of those, too. :)

I think every school must have had that--they figured they simply could not punish all of us.

I remember that day; even the (so-called) goody-goody girls, the dress-wearing girls, wore pants. EVERY SINGLE GIRL DID. All of us, regardless. It was enough to make you cry.

Thanks so much for sharing. :)

Anonymous said...

Stumbled upon this entry, I really enjoy it. I am a feminist who comes from a feminist, who comes from a feminist (the third might be a bit of a stretch, the 3rd was a step mother who appeared on the scene well after youth was gone). My mom was the stay at home type, but not because she thought she had to - she just wanted to and made no excuses for it. She raised me to know that I could do whatever I wanted, and I would never need any man's approval to do it.

Andee J. said...

I just wanted to let you know that I LOVE this post and refer back to it often. This going-on-45 woman, whose life was literally saved by bunches of items on this list, thanks you profusely for the reminder.

Andee (Meowser)

pwned_by_her said...

*is currently enjoying the freedoms won for her by those before her*

dang...i feel unproductive now.

Anonymous said...

I am 23 years old and all I have to say is..
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

My life Under A Microscope. said...

wow this was wonderful i dont know if im late with this one but that was great im 17 years old and i appreciate what women have done in the past! i guess a lot of younger kids dont really acknowledge that

D. said...

Muchas gracias! History, younglings! Study your history! It cannot have escaped your attention that there are people who'd like to roll everything back to 1951!

(I remember sex-segregated want ads.)

Ruth Moss said...

I've only just seen this post! Brilliant - and goodness only knows there are so many things on there I take for granted ...

timberwraith said...

Thank you. :)

cathybettoney said...

I remember quitting a job because they would have required me to stop working when pregnant -- immediately got another one without that restriction. This was in 1970. Ten years later the restriction no longer applied and I worked up to delivery. Thank you!

sanabituranima said...

Muchas gracias

Gabrielle said...

Unless of course you happen to be a trans woman and have done these things, in which case most second wave feminists would say you're not a woman and that they didn't fight for these things for you.

Anonymous said...

I am a 24 year old woman and I fully understand where you are coming from in that last paragraph. When I first read it I have to be honest, it kind of hurt. I can honest to goodness say that I DON'T take what you women have done for granted and that I take a moment to appreciate it each and every day. But I understand that most young women today aren't like that. It is a flaw of humanity that we tend to forget the past and take for granted those things which, to us, have always been.

You have to understand that it is difficult for young women to fully understand what life used to be like for women. I know you've already put so much work in and it is not fair to ask you to do more but the reality is that young women simply will not and CANNOT understand unless YOU put the effort into making them understand.

You need to go into high schools and TALK to teenage girls about the sacrifices you made, the barriers you had to break down, and the glass ceiling and other barriers that we must team up with one another to yet overcome.

Let me show you how hard it is for women my age to recognize your advances. I was born into a family with 3 brothers. My parents never treated me any different than the boys. I played with trucks and no one raised an eyebrow. I was one of the best athletes in my class and people respected me for it - even the boys. I refused to wear skirts, dresses or pigtails for about the first 15 years of my life and no one was bothered by that. I took shop class in high school and was not the only girl to have done so (and some of my guy friends took home ec). I got to cast a vote on my 18th birthday without any hassle and have cast many more since. I have always had a bank account in my own name. I have always been able to find employment when I needed it. I have done farm labour, I have worked in the trades, I mend my own fences and fix my own leaky faucets and nobody thinks that is weird - they think it's cool, actually. I ask guys out and they don't think I'm desperate. I sometimes pay on dates and guys find it flattering, not emasculating (well, unless it's ALL the time). I buy my own condoms and the only people who give me dirty looks are old ladies who probably give the same looks to young men buying condoms. I got on birth control without issue. I can talk to my doctor about my vaginal health and get answers. I have always been able to talk openly and in public about "woman" things such as my period. It doesn't invite looks of horror for me to grab a tampon out of my bag or bring my purse to the bathroom. I have never felt dirty when on my period. I'm single and it's ok. I can talk about the career I want to have and people take it seriously. I write academic papers for professors (male and female) who respond with comments that applaud my intellect and encourage my academic pursuits. I have grown up in a world where female role models are not confined to the role of perfect wife and homemaker. I have grown up watching female politicians, athletes and rockstars and seeing them as normal, not novel. I have always lived my life in the knowledge that I can be whatever and whoever I want to be - mother, politician, athlete, wife, girlfriend, boss, plumber, farmer, astronaut - whatever is within my abilities as an individual, I am capable of achieving.

Now, please try to immerse yourself into the world that I grew up in and tell me - if you've never had to fight for all of the above, but rather it has always been there for you, would you take it for granted until and unless someone took the time to teach you about women's history? You would. I guarantee you, you would.